by David Brooks

Reviewed by: Vicki Foreman

In a culture where we seem to be divided by ideological labels wouldn't it be healing to toss labels and connect with others with respect, consideration, and curiosity? David Brooks' book, How to Know a Person, offers a guide to being "open-hearted" and learning to deeply know another person and to be deeply seen. Currently, as a society, our social skills are inadequate to the task. Brooks argues that we can learn the skills to connect with others, to learn from their perspectives, to make others feel valued and understood, and in turn find something of larger value in ourselves.

Our stories matter in understanding each other. Our families, our culture, our personalities, our sorrows and joys are far more complex than neat labels. Learning to ask open-ended questions, listening to understand, and looking for the richness and depth of another person are essential in breaking down misunderstanding and broadening our own perspectives and potential for joyful relationships.

Brooks draws on science, research, philosophy, history, and education to help the reader craft their own approach and ability to have meaningful conversations and relationships. He encourages an attitude of welcome to counter hostility and misperception.

My takeaway from this book is to talk less and listen more, to be curious about others' stories and to pay attention to the possibilities for questions that lead to new appreciation and understanding of another human. I'm currently a work in progress. My takeaway is hopeful for dropping labels, seeing others more deeply, and getting better at skills that will cause others to feel valued, understood, and loved. As Brooks relates in an anecdote about a pastor, "he is trying to see that person the way Jesus would see that person. He is trying to see them with Jesus's eyes - eyes that lavish love on the meek and the lowly, the marginalized and those in pain, and on every living person."